The Devil Inside

The year that Jeremiah and Miles died, 2007, I felt like I'd been run over by a truck.  For the last few years I feel like I'm getting whacked in the head repeatedly with a 2 x 4.  I get hit by bad news followed by more bad news followed by even more bad news.  It's better than being hit by a truck, but can't I get a break? 

Last Friday was my ultrasound to check the status of my evil twin cysts.  I went into it knowing I probably would not get great news (I've had a lot of pain the last few days - that's a bad sign) but I didn't expect to get hit with horrible news either.  That's what I got though, and I'm still reeling from the blow.

One cyst is resolving and is now 1.5 cm compared to 3.5 cm three weeks ago.  OK that part's good, but wait for it . . . The other diabolical cyst remains 3.5 cm and my doctor thinks it is an endometrioma.  If so, then the only way to get rid of it is surgery, which she strongly discourages.  She recommends proceeding with IVF anyway and she will try to work around it.  The cyst is likely to have a negative effect on follicle production.  I only got 6 mature eggs with my recent cyst-free IVF and just two embryos made it to transfer.  I don't feel very hopeful about my prospects with yet another handicap on top of all my other crippling handicaps.

Regardless of whether I proceed with IVF or not, one thing is certain - I will continue to face a lot of pain in my future.  What can I do but plow ahead as long as there's any hope of obtaining great joy to go along with that pain?  So I'm off The Pill for a few days and then will start back up and head into another long Lupron IVF cycle.  IF this all goes off according to plan [laughs bitterly] then stimulation meds would begin in early November, with retrieval right around my 35th birthday.

Evil Twins

Today's ultrasound and nurses consult for IVF#2 did not go so well. Can you guess why? Yes, cysts. Cysts are a dominant theme on this blog. I have evil twin cysts, both 3.5 centimeters. I was supposed to start Lupron next Sunday, but everything is now delayed indefinitely. We'll check in on these cysts again in two weeks, though I've never had one go away in less than 3 months. Until they go away I'm on The Pill continuously, then I'll jump on the Lupron as soon as I get the green light. We were lucky to be able to talk with my actual doctor (!) about all this, since she was out joking around with the receptionists as we were leaving the office.

This year has at least been a big improvement over last in the pain department. Last year there were six months of constant pain from cysts. This year - zero months of constant pain, even with multiple cysts. But I still keep getting delayed and keep not getting pregnant. This year could be a lot better. Could be a lot worse too, though. No constant pain, no dead babies, and no other deaths in the family. What a great year! Well, at least compared with the last few.

Yesterday marked one year since my big little brother collapsed and died while running in our hometown's annual 10K. My parents and another brother ran in this year's 10K in his memory. Amazingly, all three family members won in their respective age groups, even with 400 other runners competing! Since we couldn't go to my hometown, my hubby and I ran 10K here. It's still hard to believe my brother is gone, especially since his death was never adequately explained.

The last time I was in my hometown for the annual festival and 10K was in 2006. On the morning of September 10, I took a pregnancy test (postive!) and then ran the 10K - slowly. I was pregnant with Jeremiah. The next day, we went to my sister's grave at the city cemetery. I have a picture of me pregnant with Jeremiah and sitting by my sister's grave - the same grave where Jeremiah would also be buried just a few months later. My hometown festival used to be pure fun, but now it is fraught with disturbing memories.

It's Time to Try Defying Sanity

Good news - today's baseline ultrasound showed NO CYST! I am cleared to start stims on Friday. Some would (and have!) say I'm insane for trying this, but it's not like I have a lot of attractive options at this point.

The timing of all this has been fortuitous. My kids' crazy summer schedule of tennis, swimming, and sports wraps up this week, so things will be much more relaxed around here. Better yet, after 2 1/2 months of unemployment hubby has a new job!! He starts in mid-August, after this cycle is done. So no worrying about finding childcare during all my appointments and no worrying that Egg Retrieval/Whacking Day will conflict with his job!

So many problems could have put a stop to IVF. Money. Unemployment. Cysts. The crazy shrink. And yet here we are!

It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap

Hanging in There

Well, it was more bad news yesterday. The cyst is still there and at 2.7 cm is nearly as big as it was a month ago (2.9) and the prodding has made it painful again. The ultrasound was to be in the morning but got bumped to afternoon because of insurance issues. Our COBRA coverage is not officially in place yet, so we had to fork over $750 before I could be seen. We'll get it back, of course, once our coverage is official but in the meantime we're hemorrhaging money, causing even more stress.

Any IVF efforts are officially delayed. This could be a good thing - maybe things will be less stressful in a month or so? There I go hoping again. I try to tell myself not to be so stupid as to hope. It only makes things harder.

It was lucky, I guess, that the ultrasound was delayed because I was able to keep it together during the psychologist visit in the morning. The hour appointment with her wasn't long enough to cover everything (she says we have an awfully lot going on right now. Gee, d'ya think?) so we had to schedule another for next week.

These are both rather small items of bad news but it's terribly frustrating to be unable to plan anything in my life. Not just IF treatment, but anything since I've also developed another very painful medical problem that makes it difficult even to walk sometimes. I wish I could just get a new body from the waist down. All this stress is bringing on scary and very frequent heart palpitations and also shortness of breath. In short, I am a total wreck. So is my house and I've been physically unable to get it in order.

A few years ago (before the losses) I had a small but intensely painful wound that could not heal because it tore open again nearly every day for fifteen months. That is how I see my life now - never being able to heal or move on because my wounds are constantly being ripped open again. It would help tremendously if I could just know that life will someday be more than just pain. I don't even get a chance to recover or even catch my breath after each painful blow before I have to deal with another and another and another. For now, I'm just trying to hang in there. Sorry, gallows humor is the only kind I can manage today!

Freaking Out

So here's a quick update, since Q dominates the computer day and night with job hunting:

I'm freaking out because I have a sonohystogram (SHG) appointment tomorrow to check the status of the most recent cyst and determine the feasibility of aggressively pursuing IVF this cycle. Also there's the catheter fitting. Fun stuff. Lately I've been very hopeful since the cyst pain never got awful and had all but disappeared. Then a few days ago I started having a little pain again. I'm not stressed about the SHG itself (done it before - piece of cake), but I'm completely terrified of getting more bad news. I just can't take any more right now!

Immediately after the sono, Q and I have an appointment with the psychologist (this is also an IVF prerequisite). Hopefully the sono will be good news, otherwise what's the point of this? So IVF. With one ovary. On unemployment and COBRA insurance. After three consecutive losses, two of which were traumatic second-trimester losses. Yes, Miss Shrink, we are a couple of really sane people. Really.

As for Q, no interviews yet, but he's applied for many jobs in the area that would be a good fit for him. He's being very aggressive and networking with influential, high-up people in many of these companies. Something's bound to work out for us, right? Meanwhile, he has set up his office here at home and I am his administrative assistant. Aside from all the sexual harassment that goes on, it's a much more professional environment than his previous job.

D'oh!

I had planned on April being a pain-free and doctor-free month. Stress-free would have been nice, too, but that's impossible with hubby's job situation. Nevertheless, I was determined to have a wonderful time just enjoying my husband and kids and not thinking about past traumas and the uncertain future. Time to enjoy now. I got a couple of pain-free weeks of full functionality and it was wonderful! I got my house cleaned, had lots of fun with the kids, and even met up with two other bloggers (Baby on Mind and The Elusive Embryo) for lunch.

But I just can't stay away from those stirrups! I had a"routine" exam and Pap smear as a prerequisite for IVF just in case that works out. When I made the appointment I was shocked to hear myself say "just a routine checkup". I can't remember the last time I used that phrase. The very next day I started having a familiar kind of pain, which I mentioned to the doctor later that week at the exam. The Groping Method revealed nothing and I went on my merry way hoping the pain would just go away. After all, I've been on the pill continuously since the last cycle's failure. That's supposed to help prevent cysts, right? Why else would I take The Pill and throw away even an infinitesimal chance of getting an infant the old-fashioned way?

The pain seemed to subside until the next week when I was driving home from an IVF consult. My defiant ovary misbehaves every time I even dare think about making it produce eggs! So back to the gyno, where I successfully argued my way out of another Groping and instead went straight for the ultrasound. Guess what? Another cyst!! This one is smallish at 3 cm and only causes intermittent pain unlike the last few whoppers that caused constant pain for months. So that's a good thing. Also, since there are no immediate plans for going off the Pill, it's not currently screwing up any TTC efforts. Also good. But the whole purpose of being on The Pill (which is horribly depressing when I want nothing more than a baby) is to prevent cysts.

I fear for my sanity if there's no stopping these suckers from forming. Last year I spent seven months in pain! This is no way to live! Has anyone else out there had so much trouble with cysts, even on the Pill? If only I could grow babies as well as I can grow cysts . . .

I'm so angry that my body is constantly sabotaging all my efforts just enjoy the good things I do have. Grrr...Maybe May can be pain-free and doctor-free.

A Glimmer of Hope for 2010

As I look back to before this torment of loss and infertilty began, I am struck by how pathetically my hopes have declined. I'm sure many in this community can relate. You start with hopes and plans for building your perfect family and find yourself years later a desperate wretched wreck waiting by the phone for your latest beta numbers.

Just over three years ago I was hoping my baby would be born healthy. Instead he was born dead.

But there was still hope for happier days ahead.

Then I hoped during my next pregnancy that this baby would be born alive, but he wasn't.

Hope plummeted.

After working up the courage to try again, hubby and I hoped I could get pregnant again quickly, but I couldn't.

Hope took a gut-wrenching dive.

Next, on to infertility treatment, where hope revolved around blood tests and follicle counts.

And hope made a comeback for three short days, in the form of a positive pregnancy test that quickly turned into another loss, and killed off a little more hope.

Since then it's been a few failed cycles and multiple painful cysts that prevented any hope of even trying for pregnancy.

Hope was at the end of its rope.

And then ... a glimmer of hope to start this new year? There was decent news from the doctor today. While my ovary is still not "clear", it is "good enough". I no longer have a cyst, but a "follicle" since it measures 1.5 centimeters. That means we are cleared to go ahead at the infertility clinic, assuming the situation either stays the same or, hopefully, improves between now and Day 3. I'll stay on the pill a few days more in hopes of getting off to a better start. I'm pretty terrified of getting anywhere near hope these days, but like the hapless fish in this picture, I just can't help it. It's so...pretty.

My hope for 2010 is that this year will involve a lot of needles. First, Follistim to get pregnant and then Lovenox for the duration. If anyone had told me a few years ago that my hopes would one day consist of becoming a pincushion, I would have thought they had a sick sense of humor.

I'm also hoping 2010 will end this whole ordeal, preferably with a series of miracles resulting in a live baby or at least a live-baby-to-be in my belly. But if that can never be, then I hope that 2010 will put hope out of its misery for good so I can try to move forward without it. Either way, hubby and I hope to go on an exotic vacation at the end of all this as a reward for surviving. And I'm certainly hoping that airport security doesn't involve a full body cavity search by then. That's just the sort of thing I want to get away from.

In Suspense

Christmas, happily, has passed without any major life-altering tragedy occurring and my kids had a very nice Christmas, as they've once again been spoiled by Grandma. Despite all the horrors of Christmases recently passed, I am proud of the fact that my children have only happy Christmas memories. Hubby and I do make it a point to shield them as best we can from our own distressing issues.

Currently, I'm in horrible suspense due to an ultrasound that will take place this coming Thursday to check on the status of my suicidal cyst-producing ovary. It has produced multiple large painful cysts in the past year, resulting in 8 months spent on the cursed pill. The latest bout of it has lasted three months so far. Luckily, it's rarely intense pain and I can go through the motions of a normal life, though admittedly not in a normal state of mind. It's the seeming endlessness of it and the fact that I can't even try for a desperately wanted pregnancy that drives me to the brink of insanity. And, let's face it, three months of constant pain can turn even the nicest girl into quite the bitch at times.

So... you can imagine my relief when the pain became less intense and frequent after last month's scan. Just prior to Christmas I had several painless days, during which I was in pretty high spirits and began to hope that this upcoming appointment would show me to be CYST-FREE, thus clearing the way for this chronic drug-user to switch from this:

To this!

Now, however, I am a nervous wreck. The last few days the pain has been back. Currently it is just a subtle intermittent ache, but I can't let myself be stupid enough to hope for good news. Best to avoid ups and downs by just staying so far down that there's really nowhere to go but up! That's some seriously messed up thinking, I know, but sound logic in a really twisted way!

Before I close this rant, I would like to thank Barrenblog for providing hubby and I a much-needed, though unavoidably bitter laugh with her post of several months ago entitled Operation Turkey Baster. We could relate to it all too well thanks to many similarly dismal attempts, including one disaster eerily similar to hers. Oh, the desperate things we do... if we couldn't laugh we'd just sit here and cry our eyes out.

Annie's Sound Advice:  NEVER buy a turkey baster from a garage sale.  You don't know where it's been.

Doctor Dammit

When you're just fed up with doctors
Who don't listen, care, or try
And pain has made you go insane,
Lose your cool and cry.

When every doctor's clueless
And your future is in doubt
Then here's a little dammit doll
That you can't do without.

Just grasp it firmly by the legs
And find a place to slam it.
And as you whack the stuffing out,
Yell "Dammit, dammit, dammit!"

If "dammit"s not a word you say
Then wring its little neck
As as you rip its head off
Shout "Oh heck, oh heck, oh heck!"

You may have gathered that I'm a bit frustrated with doctors. Yesterday was yet another disheartening visit to check the status of my "functional" cyst, which measured 6 cm last month and just under 5 cm this time. By the way, the five weeks between these two appointments is the longest I've gone without a doctor appointment in 3 YEARS! I wish I could have enjoyed it more, but I was in pain more often than not.

No doctor has ever had anything more useful to say about these frequent painful cysts than "Huh. I dunno". So very little is known about functional cysts that there's no effective means of preventing or even treating them. To make matters worse, my other issues - endometriosis with resultant infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss - also leave doctors stumped. There just isn't enough known about these conditions (why they happen, how they work, how to treat or prevent them) for doctors to be of much help to me, even if they tried.

Endometriosis has long been recognized as a serious disease in women, and yet there is still so much about it that is unknown. Certainly progress has been made, but you'd think it would get more attention and research given the fact that 10-15% of women suffer from it.

Imagine that 10-15% of men suffered from a painful, chronic, and progressive disease of the reproductive system. Imagine that the drugs to treat it made them hormonal basket cases and killed their sex lives. Imagine that the disease would often lead to multiple surgeries and the lopping off of a testicle or two just for starters. I suspect that enormous amounts of money would be devoted to the cause. The best and brightest in the field of medicine would be on the case. The road would be long but they would act swiftly and boldly to find effective treatments and ultimately, a cure.

Great advancements would have been made by now if men suffered this way. Instead, women are still being dismissed and patronized when they talk to their doctors about the pain they are suffering. And there's no hope for a cure any time soon. Dammit, dammit, dammit !

Something's Always Wrong

Now that I'm cleared to try injectable fertility meds, I'm anxious to get started. I just need a cyst-free ovary! I've had pain, though, and gone on the pill. Thought I'd better get it checked out, so today was the first time I've been to my new gyno since the initial consult. I was pleased that my situation was handled expeditiously, in stark contrast to how things were managed at the last office. Got the exam, ultrasound, results, and recommendation all in less than an hour's time.

I had hope going in because there has been almost no pain at all for three days. A good sign! And the doctor said he couldn't feel anything amiss. Another good sign! Then came the just-in-case ultrasound and hope was crushed once again. Surprise! Another cyst - this one a whopping 6 cm, and it looks like it may have sprung a leak. The doctor said to stay on the pill continuously for another 6 weeks and then we'll check on it.

Now I'm a nervous, paranoid wreck. What if it twists or ruptures? I don't dare to go running, which is a serious loss because the endorphin high is all that keeps me going sometimes. And being on the pill just KILLS me. How can this nightmare ever end happily when we so rarely even get a try at pregnancy? Also, I'm sorry to admit that being in pain so much of the time makes it really hard to be a nice person.

In order to ease my pain (and his) hubby recently purchased the Hitachi Magic Wand Massager and it is gooood. I put it on my belly and it temporarily kills the pain. 

Curses!! Foiled Again!

Once again, my plans have gone awry. About the only thing I can plan on anymore is that I can't plan on anything! Due to uncharacteristically long-lasting pain, I am forced to give up on the "natural" cycle + Ovidrel idea. I called the clinic a couple of days ago to ask if it was too late to start the Pill. It wasn't, and either because of the Pill or by coincidence, in two hour's time the pain disappeared almost completely. To the great joy of hubby and children, I am a nicer person now than I was earlier this week. But I'm still VERY upset at my renegade ovary!

That ovary has done nothing but cause trouble since its partner was removed during laparoscopic surgery nearly two years ago. Prior to that, it had never developed a single cyst, never caused a moment's pain, or made trouble of any kind. It looked like the ideal candidate for increased responsibility. Big mistake.

Evidently, it resents having to do the job of two ovaries. Despite the fact that I've given it several extended vacations (on the Pill) it still exhibits a very defiant attitude and suicidal tendencies. It requires constant supervision and the encouragement of powerful drugs just to maintain a minimal level of function. I keep having to use harsher methods to bring it under control, alternately using the Pill and hyperstimulation drugs.

Still, dealing with the pain, infertility, and other trouble is vastly preferable to the alternative of losing it, which would cause sterility, higher risk of heart disease and osteoporosis, pain, depression, and instant menopause complete with hot flashes, mood swings, etc. So I will continue plying it with drugs and praising it incessantly when it actually produces decent follicles without producing cysts.

In other news, our consultation with the RE got moved up to tomorrow instead of the end of the month! We'll see what the game plan is after that.

Another Try...

After four months of recurring ovarian cysts, near-constant pain, and constant stress, I finally had a clean ultrasound in July. Unfortunately, it was too late in the cycle to start Clomid, so I had to wait for a new cycle to begin in August. By that time (of course!) a new cyst had formed, but measured only 1.5 cm at baseline ultrasound, so Clomid was still a go.

This is treatment cycle #3 for us, with each cycle being exponentially more stressful than the last. I don't know how much more hubby and I can take. This cycle has been absolutely brutal, for reasons I won't go into here. Because this is our third try, we won't be allowed to try many more times if this is unsuccessful. We're definitely feeling the pressure, because it's now (or very soon) or never. We simply can't justify going further down the fertility treatment road. The next stop would be injectables, which seriously increase the possibility of twins or higher order multiples. While we would welcome two or more babies, the fact is that any pregnancy we manage to conceive is already very high-risk. If we got pregnant with twins and even one had the umbilical cord problem, they would almost certainly both die because the dead one would poison the environment and kill the other one before it reached viability. If, as we expect, the odds of survival for a singleton are 50/50, then the odds of having twins survive is only 25%. We don't want to go there.

Likewise, it doesn't make sense to risk IVF not only because it's astronomically expensive and could result in twins, but also because it just seems to be going too far if my odds of carrying to viability are only 50/50. Since I did get pregnant very briefly on Clomid try #1 and we still have insurance coverage, it makes sense to exhaust the Clomid option and then reassess the situation if it doesn't work.

So this cycle there were 3 mature-sized follicles as well as 3 small ones at follow-up ultrasound. This is promising news. That evening I did the Ovidrel shot (even though I know it does't hurt, I still hesitate with that needle) which set off two days of painful bloating and hopefully ovulation. The IUI was done 42 hours later and it was absolute misery. It was also too late I think. This is really NOT promising. Now we're in the midst of the nerve-wracking two-week wait for the pregnancy test.

Suspect #3: Something Else?

All I can look at here is my own case and what I learned from the woman in Texas who lost 4 babies to cord torsion. She said she's had no health problems herself, pelvic or otherwise, while I have a long history of gynecological problems. I don't think my pelvic problems caused by babies' deaths, but for the sake of being thorough, I will list the facts of the case:

• I have endometriosis, discovered at surgery in 2008 (after my two losses). 
• I have a history of cysts. The first in 2001 was a benign serous cystadenoma (a huge one at 10") originating from the right broad ligament. This obviously required major surgery, but I was told it was unlikely to cause long-term problems. Because the fallopian tube was stretched around the cyst it was badly damaged, but was not removed during that surgery in hopes it would recover for reproductive purposes. However, it caused years of intermittent pain and was removed in 2008 along with the right ovary.

This cyst is the only thing in my medical history, other than my late pregnancy losses, that could be considered unusual or rare. Both endometriosis and functional cysts are very common. Endo may cause a higher risk of early pregnancy loss (presumably because of hormone problems), and both conditions may in some cases contribute to infertility, but neither is associated with late pregnancy loss.

• I'd always been able to get pregnant easily until early 2008 (so this is after both losses) when I began getting frequent cysts on the left ovary, three of which have reached a size of 4 centimeters or greater. The first one was found during surgery. I can't get any straight answers from a doctor about why this is happening, but I suspect that the follicle generated each cycle just doesn't rupture and release the egg (LUFS - Luteinized Unruptured Follicle Syndrome), which would explain the infertility. When trying to conceive naturally, I use the ovulation predictor tests. They are never positive, but I do get a thermal shift. No LH surge = no ovulation = no pregnancy. One hypothesis put forward about LUFS is that it could be caused by severe chronic stress. Hmmm...
  
• I have no other health issues besides the endometriosis and cysts, which ironically would both be shut down, at least temporarily, if I got pregnant and had a baby!
  
• I don't smoke, do drugs, or drink alcohol and never have. I eat a healty diet, though I do have a weakness for chocolate, especially when I'm depressed which obviously has been A LOT the past few years. Nevertheless, I am neither overweight nor underweight. I exercise regularly - I find it helps with the depression. I'm 33 years old. Race - Caucasian.
• Uterine problems (such as malformation, fibroids, and Asherman Syndrome) have been ruled out by thorough internal (HSG and sonohystogram) and external inspection (at surgery).

Even More Bad News

The results are in from yet another ultrasound (it's been a very stressful week-long wait!) and despite being on the pill for a month now, my cyst has more than doubled in size, from 2 cm last month to 4.5 cm now, and has gotten quite painful. This probably means at least a few more months of waiting, which may not seem like a big deal, but my wait has been going on for three years now. I desperately want this whole issue to be resolved somehow, rather than dragging on and on with depressing news followed by still more depressing news. If the cyst grows much bigger, surgery may have to be considered . Again!! I'm still sore from the last one - and that was more than a year ago!

Since losing my babies the weeks have turned to months and the months to years, and almost all of it has been spent waiting - waiting for lab results, pathology reports, surgery, cysts, referral to an infertility clinic, cysts, and more cysts. Last year when I had an HSG test (where they inject radioactive dye through the cervix and then do an Xray to see if the fallopian tube(s) are still open) I was almost wishing my one remaining tube would be closed, because then hope could die once and for all instead of dying so painfully, inch by inch.

If this story does miraculously end happily, then all this hell will be worthwhile. But if not, I wish the senseless pain would end. All it does is compound the already substantial damage to my day-to-day functionality, faith, family, and friendships, and prevent any sort of "closure" or healing.

More Bad News. Is There Any Other Kind?

I had hoped to start a new cycle on medication today, but instead got more bad news. The ultrasound showed a pretty big cyst on my only ovary. It's not a huge shock, since I've been having pain for the last few weeks. Looks like I'll have to be on the pill for awhile in hopes of having a clean ultrasound next time.

This is exactly the situation that happened last April. We had finally gotten up the courage to try again for a pregnancy, but I got a cyst and had to go on the pill. Being on the pill while wanting desperately to get pregnant is just adding depression on top of scary severe depression. And it really doesn't help the situation that my already messed up hormones are constantly being manipulated with all kinds of drugs.

A Brief History

Updated November 2015:

Surgery #1 (October 2001): Just six weeks before my wedding, a large mass was discovered.  Laparoscopy to remove a 10" paratubal cyst (benign serous cystadenoma).  Nothing's been the same since!

Pregnancy #1: David born April 2003 at 39 weeks

• First noticed slightly lagging growth at 20 week ultrasound; more serious by 30 weeks
• IUGR (5 pounds even at term) APGAR scores 2 / 7
• Meconium and Nuchal cord x1
• We were told he had a "thin cord" and "small placenta", but it was not sent to the lab
• 5 days in NICU
• Has heart murmur, which we're told is "innocent" (not problematic)

Pregnancy #2: Tania born March 2005 at 39 weeks

• 6 pounds 3 oz. APGAR scores 9 / 9
• We were told the placenta appeared to have "two sacs", but it was not sent to the lab
• Diagnosed with hole in heart (atria) @ 3 weeks; resolved on its own by 3 years

Pregnancy #3: Jeremiah lost January 2007 at 21 weeks

• Normal chromosomes (except a pericentric inversion of chromosome 9 [inv(9)(p12q13)] inherited from mom - we're told this is insignificant
• Pathology report notes the cord was hypercoiled
• All labs on mom normal, except "moderate positive" result on anticardiolipin antibody IgG, which we're told is not significant; after six weeks this was retested and the level was "inconclusive"

Pregnancy #4: Miles lost July 2007 at 19 weeks

• Normal chromosomes
• I took baby aspirin from 6 weeks onward
• All labs normal, including anticardiolipin
• There had been a fetal-maternal bleed (2.5 cc) and the amniotic fluid was brown with old blood
• Cord showed stricture in mid-umbilical cord; we noticed after he was delivered that there were also a couple of less dramatic areas of narrowing
• Additional testing on me showed I am heterozygous for MTHFT mutation C677T, which we're told is "not clinically significant"

Surgery #2 (January 2008): Exploratory laparoscopy. I lost my right tube (had been badly damaged by previous 10" cyst) and right ovary, though I think it should have been saved as it only had a small endometrioma. I ended up in the emergency room six days post-surgery for a hematoma.  I'll spare you the gross picture.  You're welcome. After recovering from surgery, we started trying to conceive again only to find that I'm now infertile.


Pregnancy #5: Miscarried February 2009 at 5 weeks
This time conceived on first cycle of Clomid and IUI (We had no trouble getting pregnant the first four times)

April 2009 - Cycle 2 with Clomid/IUI = Negative
May through July - on the Pill because of large painful cyst!
August 2009 - Cycle 3 with Clomid/IUI = Negative
September 2009 - Cycle 4 with Clomid/IUI = Negative
October through December - on the Pill because of large painful cyst!
January 2010 - Cycle 1 with Follistim/IUI = Negative
February 2010 - Cycle 2 with Follistim/IUI = Negative
March 2010 - Cycle 3 with Follistim/IUI = Negative
April to July 2010 - on the Pill because of a small stubborn cyst and planning IVF
July/August 2010 - IVF #1: 12 eggs retrieved, 6 mature, 4 fertilized, 2 transferred on Day 3 (8 cell and 5 cell), none to freeze - Negative
September to November 2010 - on The Pill because at least one endometrioma has developed ; IVF #2 delayed
November 2010 - IVF #2: 11 eggs retrieved, 4 mature, 3 fertilized, 2 transferred on Day 5 (1 blastocyst, 1 morula), none to freeze - Positive!

Pregnancy #6:  Anastasia born August 2011 at 40 weeks!!
        Cord and placenta look normal; Apgars 9/9; she's perfect!


Epilogue!

Pregnancy #7:  In March 2015, I was shocked and terrified to find that I've gotten pregnant naturally.  After reliving the terror that is high-risk pregnancy, I had a healthy girl at term.  We found out only after she was born that she had cord stricture as well.

2015-present: We are DONE with this whole business!  Q got a vasectomy.  The kids are all healthy and growing well.  Since getting pregnant in 2010, I've been 95% free of the endometriosis pain I'd endured for a decade ... a wonderful and unexpected bonus!