Monday, October 4, 2010

The Devil Inside

The year that Jeremiah and Miles died, 2007, I felt like I'd been run over by a truck.  For the last few years I feel like I'm getting whacked in the head repeatedly with a 2 x 4.  I get hit by bad news followed by more bad news followed by even more bad news.  It's better than being hit by a truck, but can't I get a break? 

Last Friday was my ultrasound to check the status of my evil twin cysts.  I went into it knowing I probably would not get great news (I've had a lot of pain the last few days - that's a bad sign) but I didn't expect to get hit with horrible news either.  That's what I got though, and I'm still reeling from the blow.

One cyst is resolving and is now 1.5 cm compared to 3.5 cm three weeks ago.  OK that part's good, but wait for it . . . The other diabolical cyst remains 3.5 cm and my doctor thinks it is an endometrioma.  If so, then the only way to get rid of it is surgery, which she strongly discourages.  She recommends proceeding with IVF anyway and she will try to work around it.  The cyst is likely to have a negative effect on follicle production.  I only got 6 mature eggs with my recent cyst-free IVF and just two embryos made it to transfer.  I don't feel very hopeful about my prospects with yet another handicap on top of all my other crippling handicaps.



Regardless of whether I proceed with IVF or not, one thing is certain - I will continue to face a lot of pain in my future.  What can I do but plow ahead as long as there's any hope of obtaining great joy to go along with that pain?  So I'm off The Pill for a few days and then will start back up and head into another long Lupron IVF cycle.  IF this all goes off according to plan [laughs bitterly] then stimulation meds would begin in early November, with retrieval right around my 35th birthday.

5 comments:

jrs said...

I am so sorry. That sucks.
I do hope there is a joyful baby at the end of this long road. That would be a great belated b-day present.

Meim said...

I hate endometriomas! I had one removed a few years ago, but I think it is coming back. They suck!

Let me know if you need anything! I'm always around!

Nick and Kristi said...

Oh man...things just cant be easy...I know cyst can take a while to get rid of....Hopefully the Lupron will kick some butt!!!

The New Simons said...

Oy vey, Annie. WTF? Why can't this just be easy??? I'm really hoping that this all works out the second time around for you. You don't need any more heartbreak. Xo

Lori said...

Catching up---got your message and then came here--I had this!!! I know what this is!! Why doesn't your doctor recommend surgery? My first RE YEARS ago basically did some laparoscopy (with this as the reason to go in, but he was also looking around to see if there was any reason I wasn't getting pregnant) after a couple of failed IUIs...he removed the cyst (that I had NO symptomology for save irregular periods) and found endometrial tissue all over the place--I was SO glad for that surgery because there were things we found and got we'd NEVER have known about otherwise.

Now, in defense, several more years of trying and IUIs still led him to tell us that we needed IVF, but it was nice to know cysts and endometriosis wouldn't be an issue.

I guess I'm just curious about why no surgery?
xoxoxoxo