Thursday, May 19, 2011

War and Peace

Mei-mei is 28 weeks today!  Her growth is looking good - she is at the 49th percentile and is about 2 1/2 pounds.  Average.  Normal.  This is such wonderful news!  The joy of this pregnancy is now outweighing the anxiety and I am loving it!

Last week's 27 week post was up for only a few hours before Blogger crashed, taking the post with it.  It was a very happy post about Mei-mei and about more wonderful news I received that day, which was that my suicidal brother was finally getting some help.  That part turned out not to be true and I was too bummed about it to revise the post, so I just left it down.  My bro has started eating again and is no longer in imminent danger, but he remains with our mother who still thinks his dysfunctional state is the result of demon possession.  I don't know how anyone could live in that house and NOT be suicidal.  My parents are separated (another tragic tale!), which is making it damn near impossible for my brother to get real help or be extricated from this mess.

It's terribly stressful and tragic watching the family I grew up in at war and disintegrating.  At the same time, it's such a joy to see my own little family finding peace and even growing after surviving some very dark years!

The Girls
My daughter drew this picture today of herself and me with Mei-mei in my belly

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Mother Mother

Good news again!  Cord and blood flow still looking great for Mei-mei at 26 weeks!  Our whole family is just SO excited about Mei-mei!  Each Thursday when I pick my kids up from school they ask how Mei-mei's appointment went.  And they always remember to pray that she will grow safe and strong.

Quite some time ago, I had talked to Dr. Collins in Louisiana about his home monitoring program for moms who have lost babies to cord problems.  He'd said the earliest I could do that is 26 weeks.  I have looked into it, but I think I will pass.  "WHY?!" you may ask. Well, Dr. Collins and the doctors at the perinatology clinic all agree that things look perfectly fine.  Also doing this would require a solo trip to Louisiana and quite a bit of money.  I feel that the care I'm getting now is adequate for the situation.  Thankfully, this pregnancy is high risk only because of my past history and not because of any current concerns.

With each passing week, I get a little less anxious and the idea of bringing home a live baby seems a little more real.  In fact, I think we may go shopping for a nice recliner or rocker.  Our old uncomfortable rocking chair just will not do for what I'm hoping will be many happy hours spent holding Mei-mei.

Also this week, like it or not, is Mother's Day.  It can be rough for a lot of people - people who are infertile, people who have lost children, people who have lost their mothers, mothers who feel like they can't live up to all the idealism, etc. For me, this Mother's Day is both happy (for obvious reasons!) and sad since I'm still not on speaking terms with my mother.  I have a feeling there is going to be some ugly drama once Mei-mei shows up and creates a reason for a family gathering.  On the upside, I'm learning more about what NOT to do as a mother.  Hopefully I won't screw things up so badly that my kids won't speak to me when they're older!
Even though I don't feel like it and also don't much care for the sickening sweetness and commercialism of Mother's Day, I shall try to fulfill my societal obligations and send a little something to my mom:

Mother mother how's the family?
I'm just calling to say hello.
How's the weather? how's my father?
Am I lonely? heavens no.
Mother mother are ya listening? just a phone call to ease your mind.
Life is perfect, never better, distance making the heart grow fond.

(Tracy Bonham)