Monday, September 13, 2010

Evil Twins

Today's ultrasound and nurses consult for IVF#2 did not go so well. Can you guess why? Yes, cysts. Cysts are a dominant theme on this blog. I have evil twin cysts, both 3.5 centimeters. I was supposed to start Lupron next Sunday, but everything is now delayed indefinitely. We'll check in on these cysts again in two weeks, though I've never had one go away in less than 3 months. Until they go away I'm on The Pill continuously, then I'll jump on the Lupron as soon as I get the green light. We were lucky to be able to talk with my actual doctor (!) about all this, since she was out joking around with the receptionists as we were leaving the office.

This year has at least been a big improvement over last in the pain department. Last year there were six months of constant pain from cysts. This year - zero months of constant pain, even with multiple cysts. But I still keep getting delayed and keep not getting pregnant. This year could be a lot better. Could be a lot worse too, though. No constant pain, no dead babies, and no other deaths in the family. What a great year! Well, at least compared with the last few.

Yesterday marked one year since my big little brother collapsed and died while running in our hometown's annual 10K. My parents and another brother ran in this year's 10K in his memory. Amazingly, all three family members won in their respective age groups, even with 400 other runners competing! Since we couldn't go to my hometown, my hubby and I ran 10K here. It's still hard to believe my brother is gone, especially since his death was never adequately explained.

The last time I was in my hometown for the annual festival and 10K was in 2006. On the morning of September 10, I took a pregnancy test (postive!) and then ran the 10K - slowly. I was pregnant with Jeremiah. The next day, we went to my sister's grave at the city cemetery. I have a picture of me pregnant with Jeremiah and sitting by my sister's grave - the same grave where Jeremiah would also be buried just a few months later. My hometown festival used to be pure fun, but now it is fraught with disturbing memories.


Rachel said...

I've only started following you this past year, but can see you have had your share of heartache, and continue to. I am sad with you, but wish for a bright spot for you in the times to come.
Let's hope those evil twin cysts don't get too comfortable, and get 'the hell outta Dodge'.

The New Simons said...

I'm fiercely praying that your cysts quickly disappear. You need to catch a break. My heart aches for you Annie.

Nick and Kristi said...

Those darn frustrating!!!! But I am glad to hear you are going to get Lovenox from the start of your cycle I def think this will improve your chances:) I am also so sorry for all your losses....My deepest sympathy goes out to you...Hugs!!!!!

CeCe said...

so sorry about the annoying cysts!

my heart goes out to you and your family with much sympathy for the loss of your brother.


Jana said...

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. You have been through a lot these last few years. I am amazed at your strength. Sorry to hear about the cysts. Things just never get to be easy around here do they?

thinking of you

Lori said...

Oh my word, Annie....I'm so sorry about your brother. So very sorry.

I always have cysts too and have been on so much bc to get rid of them it's not funny. (None of it is, really.) My IVF cycle with Matthew was delayed for about 3 weeks of bc to get rid of them and I was glad that it only took 3 weeks. Praying yours leave soon too!!!

Jeanne said...


I'm so sorry for your losses and your pain.