Monday, April 26, 2010


I had planned on April being a pain-free and doctor-free month. Stress-free would have been nice, too, but that's impossible with hubby's job situation. Nevertheless, I was determined to have a wonderful time just enjoying my husband and kids and not thinking about past traumas and the uncertain future. Time to enjoy now. I got a couple of pain-free weeks of full functionality and it was wonderful! I got my house cleaned, had lots of fun with the kids, and even met up with two other bloggers (Baby on Mind and The Elusive Embryo) for lunch.

But I just can't stay away from those stirrups! I had a"routine" exam and Pap smear as a prerequisite for IVF just in case that works out. When I made the appointment I was shocked to hear myself say "just a routine checkup". I can't remember the last time I used that phrase. The very next day I started having a familiar kind of pain, which I mentioned to the doctor later that week at the exam. The Groping Method revealed nothing and I went on my merry way hoping the pain would just go away. After all, I've been on the pill continuously since the last cycle's failure. That's supposed to help prevent cysts, right? Why else would I take The Pill and throw away even an infinitesimal chance of getting an infant the old-fashioned way?

The pain seemed to subside until the next week when I was driving home from an IVF consult. My defiant ovary misbehaves every time I even dare think about making it produce eggs! So back to the gyno, where I successfully argued my way out of another Groping and instead went straight for the ultrasound. Guess what? Another cyst!! This one is smallish at 3 cm and only causes intermittent pain unlike the last few whoppers that caused constant pain for months. So that's a good thing. Also, since there are no immediate plans for going off the Pill, it's not currently screwing up any TTC efforts. Also good. But the whole purpose of being on The Pill (which is horribly depressing when I want nothing more than a baby) is to prevent cysts.

I fear for my sanity if there's no stopping these suckers from forming. Last year I spent seven months in pain! This is no way to live! Has anyone else out there had so much trouble with cysts, even on the Pill? If only I could grow babies as well as I can grow cysts . . .

I'm so angry that my body is constantly sabotaging all my efforts just enjoy the good things I do have. Grrr...Maybe May can be pain-free and doctor-free.


With Out My Punkin said...

:( I'm sorry!

Me said...

I hope May is pain free and doctor free. Good luck!

I've never had cysts on my ovaries (that I know of), but the fibroids on my uterus cause all sorts of pain--especially during that time of the month. I couldn't stand up straight and walking was hard. It's the same with pregnancy, but different. Now I mostly just have contractions, and who could stand up straight with this enormous belly of mine anyway?! Yeah, I can't say I'm going to miss my fibroids or een my uterus when all this is over! I hope the cysts quit coming so you can get off the Pill.