Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Blog Noir

Thanks to everyone who stuck around to read and comment during my ongoing blog noir period. A blog noir is defined as a "black blog" with bleak subject matter and a somber, downbeat tone. It's a genre employing heavy shadows and patterns of darkness, marked by a mood of pessimism and fatalism. Like film noir, it emphasizes cynical attitudes and sexual motivations. Ha ha! Just kidding about that last bit. I have no sexual motivations at all, as my poor hubby can attest!

What a week it's been since I found out IVF #1 is a failure. The bloody hell of Endometriosis + Hyperhydrosis = Disgusting. And it necessitates frequent wardrobe changes. That, combined with being forced to act in the real world as if nothing is wrong, makes me feel like an actress in a dark drama. I am not a thespian, so surely my performance is unconvincing!

I wish I could bust out of this dark period, but it's proving very difficult. More than a week after my negative test, I still have not heard from my doctor or anyone at the clinic regarding a plan for another IVF cycle. I've called every day for the past three days and gotten no response. How annoying do I have to be, people? I started taking The Pill again since I'm sure that's what they'd tell me if they ever bothered to call me back. Why don't they? Now I'm all worried again about getting kicked out of the cost-sharing program. Being on this program reduces financial anxiety and instead increases anxiety about getting kicked out due to "poor response" or "low yield of embryos". Aaarrggh!! Also, the perinatology clinic was supposed to call me back about setting up a consult. I called them twice already and haven't heard back from them yet, either. I'm so frustrated!

It's not all shadows and darkness around here. We all went to a free concert this week (KT Tunstall) and will go the State Fair tomorrow. I have an adorable new neice who arrived safely almost two weeks past her due date (way to worry your aunt, Kaiya!). Hubby started his new job last week and will get a paycheck next week - yes, an actual paycheck! It'll be the first one we've seen since April, so a celebration is in order.


Suzy said...

Oh Annie, I feel ya. Noone knows of our IVF either. I feel like shouting to everyone "I'm hurting! This SUCKS! Please be kind to me" but instead I have to pretend that everything is A-OK.
Thinking of you as you go through your noir period :)

Meim said...

I hope you know I love you. Blog noir or not.

Jana said...

I will be thinking of you during your blog noir time.

That is so annoying and frustrating that the doctor won't call you back.

Glad to hear that your household will be seeing a paycheck! That's awesome.

The New Simons said...

I'm thinking about you guys. Sending positive thoughts your way. Xo

PS. Get on those doctor's asses a bit more- they need to be put in their place it seems!

Marthavmuffin said...

Sounds like you are due a celebration or two.

Rachel said...

Hope you hear back from the various doctors...that's above and beyond frustrating.

Hurrah for paychecks! I hope you do have some good celebration over that :)

Tina said...

so sorry about your bfn. i hope your RE's office calls you soon and you get some answers.

happy iclw!

Kakunaa said...

Thank you for stopping by my blog...I am so sorry to hear of your BFN. If your docs manage to get their asses in gear, tho, the shared risk programs are great! I hope that one of your 2 remaining cycles nets a big giant BFP!! Good luck hun.