Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Stim Day 6

I had planned to go to a lake with some friends today, but instead I am so depressed I don't want to leave the house. Today was my first ultrasound since starting stims. I have only two - yes TWO - follicles (14 and 10 mm)and my lining is only at 3. The nurses were not impressed with this. Two days ago after bloodwork results came back low, the clinic called and said to up my Follistim dose from 100 to 225 and Lupron went down from five units to two. Now they're jacking the Follistim up to 300 but I wonder if it's too late to do me any good.

Just a couple of days ago I was talking to a friend and saying how I've been unusually happy the last few days because I felt like there was some HOPE. I said being happy and hopeful is nice but also very scary for me because it seems like every time I have any happiness, a severe beating is sure to follow. Today proves my point. I'm blocked at every turn. Each time I think I've found a way to get around my body's many failures, it just finds new ways to fail.

The nurse said we'll check again on Friday and then decide whether to cancel or plow ahead anyway. The most depressing thing is that this counts as one of our three tries for the cost-sharing program even if we don't have a retrieval. Other people in the program who are lucky enough to have two responsive ovaries get three fresh cycles and up to three frozen cycles. Looks like I may only get two cycles for the same amount of money, assuming I don't get kicked out of the program altogether for being a poor responder!

When I got my IVF protocol I was surprised at the stim dosages. It seemed low to me for IVF and I said so at the time. I get frustrated because this clinic seems to be too darned conservative for my tastes. I'm usually pretty conservative myself, but I want liberal amounts of drugs!! I'd rather deal with hyperstimulation than a try that doesn't seem like a try at all!

6 comments:

Lori said...

Felt the SAME way!!! Especially on my first cycle where they were telling me that I had too much lupron (well, who prescribed that???) and then on my 2nd cycle when my doctor said he'd like to see what he was seeing a few days before...and in hindsight, may have upped my meds.

ERGH.

That said, both of those were STILL successful cycles.

I know it is really, REALLY hard to maintain hope when it seems like it's bound to fail based on how it's going...goodness knows I've been there twice. And I must say, both times, people kept giving me the "It only takes one" speech and I wanted to punch them.

But the truth is, it does. I really, really hope that they don't cancel this cycle--if it is going to count for one of your 3 than by golly, I think you ought to have every chance you can. If it makes you feel better, a typical stim cycle is 11 days. Mine was 14. So yes, upping it now still gives it time to take off and still give you some good eggs and subsequent embryos. Praying that's exactly what happens!!

Does this one count even if it DOES get canceled but transferred to IUI? With our shared program, if it didn't go to retrieval but instead was transferred to IUU, that didn't count...Of course, I read what you wrote about your limitations, so wasn't sure.

Hoping and praying for the best. And LIBERAL amounts of drugs!!!

Lori said...

Ugh--I hate when my hands work faster than my mind. I did not mean to say, "...3 THAN by golly..."

I meant to say, "...3 thEn by golly.."

I know the difference between then and than!

And actually, if I am editing, I wanted to put an exclamation mark at the end of that same sentence, vice a period!

Rach said...

That sucks about the multi cycle program. So unfair.

I hope a few more follies pop up at your next appointment.

Good luck!

Erica said...

Wow...it amazes me how every woman is different. I am so sorry that you aren't responding well. My stim day 6 appt showed nothing over 10mm but they are being conservative as I overstimmed on an IUI cycle in May (17 follies).
I hope the increase does the trick! I also had an increase and go back on Friday as well...
Good luck!

Nick and Kristi said...

Dont give up hope yet...that increase in meds can make follicles appear like magic....On the flip side if you dont have enough to retrieve could they convert you to a IUI so its not a complete bust? Just a thought....Well best wishes Girl:)

jrs said...

That sucks. I am so sorry to hear about your follies.

Keep hanging onto what little hope you have. It's better than being depressed. All you need is one follicle to become an egg, and then one little sperm to get that baby of yours. Hopefully your lining will bust a move and get going.