Saturday, May 1, 2010

The Weight of It All

Currently the rest of the family is at church and I am home alone, having fallen ill last night. This is, I think, a great blessing for certain members of our congregation because if ONE MORE PERSON comes up to me and tells me that our latest misfortune is all part of God's Beautiful Plan and that He Really Loves Us, that person had better run away FAST.


[Note to God: We can't take any more lovin'. Go love someone else.]

We are now struggling under the strain of five major problems, any one of which is enough to put immense strain on a marriage and family. We of course have them all at once, and each problem added to the load not only adds its own weight, but impacts all the other problems so as to make them even more burdensome and difficult to resolve. All of these problems are interrelated - to solve just one of them would set off a positive chain reaction and bring our family some desperately needed relief. But instead, more keeps getting added on, making it even more difficult to resolve anything.

Hubby is now unemployed. We have no income or insurance. To add insult to serious injury, it remains unclear exactly why he was fired, as he's never committed what any sane professional would consider a firable offense. I won't go into the list of petty offenses he's been accused of, but they're laughable! All we know for sure is that his boss is a jerk of the highest order and although it's good for hubby to be out of that toxic environment, he needs another job to go to! We had high hopes right up until Friday that it wouldn't come to this. It seemed plausible even in the midst of this major recession that hubby could transition into another job within the company - it's gigantic and he has lots of connections. But now that he's been fired and is no longer an insider in the company it's all a lot more complicated.

On top of that, we were just six weeks away from being able to try IVF and there's no way to do it without income and insurance. Has anyone out there been desperate and insane enough to do IVF while on unemployment and COBRA insurance?

Although IVF may not result in a baby, trying it would mean being able to say "We tried everything we could". It would mean being able to put the issue of infertility aside because there's just nowhere else to go with it. And even though I know the pain will never really go away, it would be easier to bear without "what ifs" and regrets that we didn't go all the way. We have only six months left to make it happen before I turn 35, after which it gets a lot more expensive and success rates decline sharply.

The lack of insurance means we likewise cannot deal with my recurrent cysts and pain problems - if we could figure that out I suspect we may get at that darn infertility problem, too! Being in pain so much of the time makes me depressed, irritable, impatient, and unable to think clearly. I simply can't function in a normal way, which makes me feel like a horrible failure as a wife and mother, which in turn makes me even more depressed.

And of course there are other big problems not mentioned here, besides the normal every day stuff. You can just imagine what a fun couple hubby and I are right now. The passion. The romance. Not. We've weathered storms together before, but how can we ever survive and rebuild ourselves when they're this bad, this long, and this frequent? I love hubby and I know he loves me, but we need something good to happen for us right now.

9 comments:

Em said...

Wow! That completely sucks! I am so very sorry! I hope something works out soon!

I wouldn't have gone to Church, either. I would have faked sick! :)

Andrea Holley said...

I'm praying for you and hope things will get better!

CeCe said...

you have a lot on your plate. hang in there. sending positive thoughts your way!

Kathryn said...

Thanks for the comment on my blog. I cannot imagine what you are going through. I think it is easy for people to say how much God loves us and how it is all part of His plan. Of course, but that is hard to feel when pain and trial is a major part of our life. I, too, have wished for less "love from God".

Hang in there, another thing that is easy to say, but I mean it wholeheartedly. You are in my prayers!

VA Blondie said...

I am so sorry. I hope something good happens soon.

Here for LFCA.

Allison (Ali) said...

Hi. I'm here from LFCA. We were in this exact prediciment last year. hubby got laid off, we paid for COBRA for a couple of months did the IVF (his previous company had fertility treatment coverage) and were able to get pregnant. luckily he found a job quickly.

Good luck to you whatever you decide and I hope your DH finds another job soon!

Perchancetodream said...

We did our one IVF knowing that we were going to move cross-country, hubby was unemployed for 7 months and we were on COBRA. It was a chemical pregnancy and then we did a number of failed IUIs.

I think you have to go with your gut. Looking back, I'm glad we did the IVF - it was through a state grant and was really our only chance to do so.

That being said, they stress involved with the move, my paycut, and hubby's unemployment certainly didn't help our outcome.

If you possible have the option, I would wait. But really you should follow what feels right to YOU.

Best of luck whatever you decide...

Katherine said...

Hugs. I heard about your situation on LFCA.

I was laid off last Feb, during my first IVF cycle. (I was the primary breadwinner and had our health insurance. We were able to get on to COBRA and I continued with a second IVF cycle - best decision we ever made as cycle 2 was successful. I think being away from that job had a lot to contribute to our success.)

If there is any chance you can get on to COBRA or self-insure (I know, near impossible w/out income) and your husband can get unemployment, then go through with the IVF. It may not sound like the best financial decision, but his ex-company has already taken so much from him. It would be so cruel for them to take this from you too.

Hugs. Good luck, I hope things get better soon.

-Katie H

kswan said...

If you are mentally ready, get on COBRA coverage and do it. It is the same insurance coverage you had before the layoff (hey if you have coverage at all you should really take advantage -- it is expensive out of pocket!) What if you don't have good insurance after the COBRA period is over and then wish you had done IVF while you had coverage? Maybe the next insurance policy wont even offer infertility coverage (like ours, even though we were in a state that mandates it -- the company was based in another state -- loophole!)