Sunday, January 10, 2010

It's On!

The injectibles cycle is ON! Fingers crossed; legs (alas) certainly not. Got good news from the clinic that I still have in excess of $6000 left of my $10,000 insurance coverage for infertility, when I thought it was down to less than $2K. Hooray and an even bigger HOORAY should I never need to use it! Also, I'm thoroughly enjoying not being in constant pain. No pain at all for four days in a row, and counting!

The Follistim shots began four days ago at a low dose (50 IU) and it's hard to believe such a tiny amount of liquid could have much effect at all. I was pleased to find that the injections are simple and nearly painless. It's wonderful to finally have the opportunity to try this, but it was rather depressing on Sunday. I was at church at injection time and had to walk past pew after pew of pregnant women (OK - slight exaggeration, but there were at least three) to go shoot up in the church bathroom. Ugh.

I was pretty discouraged at the follow-up ultrasound today, but don't know whether I should be, as I've never used Follistim before. I'm on Day 7 now, with four small follicles measuring 16, 12, 11, and 10. One is certainly the remains of my most recent cyst. According to the nurse, the others "might catch up", so my Follistim dose stays the same. That phrase extinguished most of the small hope I'd allowed to grow. "Might" is just the trouble with infertility . All this trauma, expense, and agony for a small maybe. And "catch up" makes me feel I'm coming up short already. Am I? It will probably torment me all day.

I'm teetering on the line between hope and despair, trying very hard to avoid the pain of falling on either side of it. I don't want to set myself up for a spectacular crash if this fails, but having some degree of hope is necessary. After all, going through with all the appointments, injections, etc is an act of hope.

If this doesn't work it seems we are out of luck, since both IVF and adoption have been ruled out (on which more later). Granted, I had also previously said I wouldn't go so far as injectibles because of the risk of multiples, and yet here we are. Prior to today I was just so happy being in the moment - free of pain and able to try again. Today, the gravity of the situation kicked in and the pressure is starting to build. Praying with the last microscopic shred of faith I have left that this works...


Kristy said...

I find that having a plan in place, gives me new hope. I hope that if this current cycle is a bust, whatever plan my baby Doc comes up with next week will put me at ease and give me a bit of hope for the next step. Its so trying, its hard to put so much faith in hope in something thats not a guarantee. Keeping everything crossed that this cycle works for you, we aren't going to be too far apart in the 2ww (I should O this weekend). Hopefully this cycle is it for both of us. *hugs*

CeCe said...

Good news on the insurance. Best of luck with this cycle- sending happy thoughts that this is it for you!