Thursday, January 28, 2010

The Ice Cream Diet

First of all, congrats to The Steadfast Warrior for winning my recent giveaway. I will be making her a pysanky (Ukrainian egg) and sending it off soon.

Secondly, I've added a new section to my sidebar just under the Blog List. It's titled Some Desperately Needed Laughs and has links to some funny websites and video clips. Check it out - and if you know of more funny links I can add, please send them my way!

So ... if you saw my last post you know that this month (Cycle #1 of Follistim) resulted in a BFN. This did not come as a shock, since I had ovary pain beginning on Whacking Day and lasting for an entire week. I suspect something went very wrong so that ovulation didn't go quite right(despite all the positive signs indicating that it did) or that there is some mechanical difficulty such as adhesions or damage from the many large cysts I've had lately. In any case, I am very cynical about our chances for success in the future. Just under a year ago I got pregnant on my first Clomid cycle and even though that ended in an early miscarriage, I had high hopes that I was what every infertile girl wants to be: Easy, Fast, and Cheap. Sadly, time has proven me wrong.

This recently ended two week wait has been awful, though not as awful as the last one back in September when my brother died the day before the IUI and we had to pile in the car the day after the IUI to get to the funeral in a distant state. When I heard the news that he had died, I was shocked by it and also shocked by my reaction, which was simultaneous sorrow and jealousy. That's where these years of physical and emotional pain have gotten me - I'm jealous of the pregnant and the dead.

So in comparison, this wait wasn't sooo awful. But I was stuck in the house for over a week worried about my two sick kids and in a state of dark depression due to the odd combination of 1) being unable to get a moment away from the constant "I want mommy" of my sick kids and 2) not being able to end my family with another little person constantly clinging to mommy.



Being depressed and stuck in the house resulted in the consumption of A LOT of potato chips and ice cream. Apparently, despair and anxiety burn a lot of calories, because I've lost six pounds that I didn't need to lose. That's right - I'm complaining about losing weight. My waistline has been shrinking and hubby's has been expanding. This is exactly the opposite of what we're going for here.

Now we have, at most, three days to decide how to proceed. Of course there's the option of doing the same thing again and hoping for different results. I could have surgery again before continuing with treatment. My endo is dramatically worse since the last one (in 2008) and I'm worried about adhesions. But the last surgery was a disaster that made things much worse, so doing it again doesn't seem very promising. Or we could explore Really Extreme Measures that are very expensive but much more likely to work. I hate making these decisions!

4 comments:

Meim said...

I'm sorry. I can completely understand the jealousy. Too bad there aren't too many people in the "real" world that get it, huh?

As far as the no-drinking-what's-a-mormon-girl-to-do... I say we live it up at Mel's lushary. I'm pretty sure virtual drinking is allowed. :D Martini?

Good luck on your next cycle. I hope it is wonderfully successful.

Lilly's Mom (Desiree) said...

Praying for you!

Kristy said...

I am in the same position of having to figure out what to do with our next upcoming cycles. I'm not sure what my new specialist will want to do, more of that unknown. Unknown for the next path, unknown for what the future holds. Its scary and it sucks.
PS..love the idea of the ice cream diet, ha!! Enjoy it, you deserve it. *hugs*

Em said...

Good luck with your decisions. I hope you find happiness soon. Oh, and I am all for the ice cream diet! :)